Friday, October 1, 2010

Women. A Chemical Analysis and more. My version


What: Women

Inventor: God (some of you may not concur, deal with it.)
Discoverer: Adam
Atomic Mass: Accepted at 120lbs. But most are in between 80lbs & 300lbs.
Occurences: Crazy ones usually come around at night. Some are found hidden on sketchy streets. oh and Internet. Good ones are in the kitchen

Favorite candy: As long as it contains chocolate and/or nuts.
Option:if it comes at a pricey cost, you're good.

Physical Skills: Cook, Clean, Serve.

Mental Skills: Friendzone, Heartbreak, Apply depression, Golddiggin. Delete/Remove Benefits. Hardtoget.





Properties.
1. Face usually covered in 'chalk and charcoal'.
   -Rare natural ones dont need such said things.
2. Randomly overheats at nothing. Freezes for no reason
3. Melts if given an amazing treatment. Even better if the treatment was pricey
4. Becomes a different person if used incorrectly.
5. Some are known to keep their V-cards, Some are known to stealing somebody's V-card and lastly, Some are known to just stealing a man's Visa card
6. Natural great debaters. Will make you look like it's your fault even if it really wasn't

MORE PROPERTIES
1. Has big obsession for jewelry.
2. Will naturally absorb any expensive substances
3. Explodes automatically 2-5 days consecutively during the month. Caution: Try to stay away from them when they're in this state. Very dangerous.
4. If treated with alcohol, Their level of liveliness increases.
5. Will break your bank in less than 1month.

COMMON USES:
1. Good for decorations, usually in cars and music videos. Most in magazines.
2. Most are good for 1 use only, Some are better for more than 1 use if kept and treated correctly.
3. One of the best natural cleaning agent known to man.

HAZARDS:
1. Being too nice to this specie will result her to using "Friendzone" skill
2. Being too harsh will result in her using "Heartbreak" skill.
After friendzone and heartbreak is applied on you. "Apply depression" skill will assist.
3. Being too rich will result her in using "Golddig" skill.
Caution: If you suddenly become broke..  Expect "Delete/Remove Benefits" skill cast upon you.
4. Even though this specie find you interesting and attractive. Still expect a "Hardtoget" skill cast upon you. Tip: You must not give up.

Tips:
1. Must be careful if you have little experienced in
handling these species. They have the ability to destroy and get you scarred for life.
2. Cannot own more than one. Unless you're paying both of 'em. But possible to own more than one if kept in different locations and usually works if both specimen do not know each other. If failed, expect "Delete/Remove Benefits" skill cast upon you as well.


GOODLUCK!
3. If successful and handled with care..
Kudos to you.


34 comments:

tonyman33 said...

Hhahah, you got it spot on. Friendzoning is the most harshest skill of all

Pandor42 said...

I think you might have missed a few like, what happens when multiple women gather. Increased whining and drama.

november17 said...

girls can be ultratarded

MofoJofo said...

BWAHAHAHAHA, if i showed that to my gf she would de-nutterize me in a split second.

Jay Sean said...

hahaha my gf would kill me

RAiNИiAЯ said...

FINALLY! I understand women!

Lawlsauce said...

I lold.

max said...

one more property:)

explodes at apsolutely nothing xD

StarWarsMadness said...

nobody can understad women!
May The FORCE Be With You!

Advantage-player said...

ah women :) who will understeand them

Wozza said...

Women can be so cruel... lol

Crammarc said...

lol, this is a good guide

Sebastian said...

What? Nothing about their inability to go into restrooms alone? For shame.

richie said...

Haha, awesome post!
the wabbit image made me laugh

troykan said...

on point :)

STINSENATOR said...

cool story bro

la comédie said...

nice post

Trashcanman said...

Should've just said "Only good for fucking" get@me

Totalitarian said...

haha good one!

RonNiebOy said...

haha, nice...spot on

TechnoMac said...

yea actually getting friendzoned is really hard but after a while you just pick yourself up and find yourself your match :D

Much Poopies! said...

bahhaha lawhl!! =D

3rd_Shift_Clerk said...

Sadly, that sums it up quite well.

ReviewsFromTheWretch said...

This is all truth indeed!

Toast Man said...

hahaha,it's funny cause it's true

Final Fantasy XIV Fan said...

Women I love them

Mr delivery said...

men are from mars
women are from venus

mafiaso said...

I liked the first picture the most

Futomara said...

It's worth considering.

after3 said...

makes me want more women.

Ownage tastes like chicken said...

LOLLLL so sexist, but very amusing nonetheless.

NerfQuake said...

Lol I loved it, I pretty much agree on everything :P

Nathias said...

Haha, I really got to try master these :L

Brizzled Toejam said...

On behalf of my past experiences I approve of this post. Someone hold me pls ;_;